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Contact
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For more information on CTM’s Family Matters program please contact:
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Family Chair
yturk@ctmuslimaat.org
Family Advocates
daliar@ctmuslimaat.org
sihamn@ctmuslimaat.org
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(512) 577.SAFE
Volunteer Opportunities |
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Safety Planning
Your safety is the most important thing and safety planning should be taken very seriously. Listed below are points to think about and plan for if you are in an abusive relationship, or dealing with someone who is in an abusive relationship.
Review the following tips and then work with an advocate to develop a personalized safety plan tailored to your situation.
Anticipating a violent incident:
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* Be aware of where you are in your home - Avoid rooms with no exits (ex: bathroom) or rooms with weapons (ex: kitchen.)
* Know how to get out safely. Identify which doors, windows, elevator, or stairs will work best. Practice ways to get out of your house.
* Know where your purse and car keys will be. Put them in a place where you can easily get to them should you need to exit quickly.
* Know of safe places you can go if you need to leave your home.
* Keep change with you at all times.
* Tell friends and/or neighbors about the violence and ask them to call 911 if they hear suspicious, angry, or violent noises coming from your home.
* Teach your children how to call 911 if needed. If they are old enough teach them what to say.
* Have a list of safe people to contact.
* Memorize important numbers to hotlines, friends, and the local shelter. Have your children memorize these numbers, or have a list for them in a safe place.
* Establish a code word or signal with your children, family, friends, teachers, neighbors, and co-workers so they know you need them to call 911 for you.
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Remember, you have the right to live without fear and violence.
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PREPARING TO LEAVE
Abusers try to control the lives of their victims, and might feel a loss of control if they know you are leaving them. Leaving your batterer can be the most dangerous time. Know your safety plan well so you can be as prepared as possible.
When preparing to leave think about:
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* Four places you can go when you leave.
* Making sure you know the hotline and shelter number.
* Keeping change or a calling card with you at all times, or get a cell phone if possible.
* People who will help you and keep money, extra clothing, important documents and an extra set of keys (car, house, work) for you.
* Opening your own savings account.
* Additional things you can do to increase your independence such as obtaining a driver’s license if you don’t have one, finding a job if possible, opening your own credit card account, etc.
* Someone who can lend you money or let you stay with them.
* Rehearsing your escape plan and practicing it with your children. Your escape method might include doing something that gets you out of the house such as going to the grocery store or taking out the trash.
* How you will get your children out with you, or make arrangements to leave them with someone safe if you cannot take them with you.
* Taking important documents or making copies if you cannot take the originals. This will enable you to apply for benefits or take legal action. Important documents include:
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* Passports for you and your children, green cards, work permits, or other such information as appropriate.
* Birth certificates for you and your children
* Social Security Cards for you and your children
* Driver’s license
* Immunization records for you and your children
* Marriage license, Divorce license, Custody Orders, etc.
* School records of your children
* Medical records for you and your children.
* Leases, deeds or rental agreements in your name or both you and your partner’s name
* Mortgage payment book
* Unpaid bills
* Address book
* Your checkbook and bank statements
* Charge and debit cards and statements
* Insurance policies
* Car registration and title
* Proof of income for you and your spouse (pay stubs or W-2’s)
* Any documentation of past incidents of abuse including photos, police reports, medical records, and so on.
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*Making arrangements for your pets. There are some shelters that can help you relocate your pet to a safe place.
* Make sure to leave no clues as to what you are planning or where you are going.
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If you have left your abuser you still need to think about your safety.
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SAFETY IN THE HOME
Consider doing as much of the following as possible:
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* Change your phone number and cell phone number if you have one.
* Screen calls.
*Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the batterer.
* Change locks, if the batterer has a key or ask your landlord to change locks.
* Replace wooden doors with metal ones.
* Install a security system including additional locks, window bars, and an electronic system.
* Install motion-detecting lighting outside.
* Install an outside lighting system.
* Teach your child to dial 911.
* Device and rehearse a safety plan with your children for when you are not with them.
* Inform friends and neighbors that your partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the police if your partner is observed near your home.
* Avoid staying alone.
* Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner.
* If you have to meet your partner, arrange to meet in a public place.
* Vary your routine, for example shopping at a different grocery store or gas station than the one your normally use.
* Notify school and work contacts.
* Call a shelter for battered women.
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SAFETY WITH A PROTECTIVE ORDER
There are various organizations that can help you obtain a protective order.
Once you have one:
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* Know where your Protect Order is at all times.
* Distribute copies of the Protective order where you live or work, or other places you might visit such as your child’s school, along with a picture of the abuser.
* Inform others that you have a Protective Order in effect.
* Tell people who take care of your children that you have a Protective Order and give their teachers and babysitters a copy of it. Let them know who can pick your children up if you cannot make it.
* Contact the police and court as soon as the Protective Order is violated.
* If the police to not help, contact the police department to file a complaint.
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SAFETY ON THE JOB
It is important to plan for safety even at your location of work.
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*Inform your supervisor and coworkers of your situation.
*Give your supervisor a copy of a Protective Order if you have one, and a picture of the abuser.
*Ask for help at work to screen your calls.
*Find a safe escort when leaving work to your car or other transportation.
*Vary your route to work and home to avoid problems if your partner knows your routine.
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YOUR SAFETY AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH
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*If you are thinking of returning to a potentially abusive relationship, discuss an alternative plan with someone you trust.
* If you have to communicate with your partner, determine the safest way to do so.
* Have positive thoughts about yourself and be assertive with others about your needs.
* Plan to attend a support group or halaqa for at least two weeks to gain support from others and learn more about yourself and the relationship.
* Decide on which people you can call freely and openly who will give you the support you need.
* Read books, articles, and poetry or engage in a hobby you enjoy to make you feel stronger.
* Have someone to talk to if you are feeling down; this can be a friend or even the domestic violence hotline.
* If you are spiritual engage in prayer and meditation to recharge your spiritual battery.
* Study self-defense options.
* Write a letter to your abuser expressing your feelings about the abuse and then throw the letter away.
* Know that you are not alone.
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Remember, you have the right to live without fear and violence.
This information was developed and adapted using material available from the Oakland County Coordinating Council Against Domestic Violence (http://www.domesticviolence.org) and material from the SafePlace Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Hotline Resource Manual (in Austin, TX – http://www.austin-safeplace.org)
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